At the corner of Ridge and Stone in
Greece there used to be a Howard Johnson’s Restaurant. It’s long gone now, replaced by an auto parts
store. But the reason I remember the
Howard Johnson’s is because that was my earliest memory of today’s Feast of the
Holy Family. My family wasn’t poor but
we sure weren’t rich either, and the only time we would ever go out to
breakfast was on today’s Feast. Go to Mass
and head over to HoJos for a restaurant breakfast to celebrate the Holy
Family. So my earliest memory of today’s
feast is a joyful one.
But I have all sorts of other
memories of my growing up years as well.
While I don’t remember what they were fighting about, I can still
remember some of the things - the specific things - that my parents would say to each other in
the heat of an argument. Or would yell
at the seven of us kids. Mean
things. Stinging things. Said fifty or so years ago but fresh in my
memory as if they were this morning. And
I can remember some of the things I said and did in fights with my
siblings. Time won’t erase every one of
the bad memories of growing up.
And the sad thing is that my own
wife, and my own children, are carrying memories of the hurtful things I’ve said and done during the twenty-five
years of our marriage, during the 20-something years of our kids’ lives. Perhaps because they aren’t reluctant to
remind me - regularly !
So as a result, for most of my life,
when the Feast of the Holy Family rolled around, I had a different emotion than
joy. Someplace between fear and
embarrassment. Maybe unworthiness. You see, on this day the Church holds up THE
Holy Family – Jesus, Mary and Joseph - as our model, as our example to emulate,
and, well, my family, whether it’s my family of origin, or the family of which
I am husband and father, my family has never quite measured up. Call my family “holy” and these not-so-pleasant
memories race into my mind, reminding me of how “unholy” we’ve been, I’ve been. Even though the Holy Family had their
struggles, their difficulties, as today’s Gospel makes clear, how can I really
relate to Jesus, Mary and Joseph - THE Holy Family - when two of the three
never sinned and when the child was the very Son of God?
But, God understands this. God understands that every family has its
imperfections. Difficulties. Brokenness.
How could they not? For each of
us humans is imperfect, broken, a
sinner! But imperfect as our families
are, there IS holiness in each one. Blessed
Pope John Paul called the family a “School of Love” and it is – for it is the very
place where we learn the meaning of self-giving love, the place where children,
and adults too, learn the other virtues as well – gentleness, patience, peace,
perseverance, forgiveness, obedience, hard work and service, to name a few.
But the meaning of today’s Feast is
that, unholy as we can be, each of our families is called to greater
holiness. The Greek word for “holy” is hagios, which basically translates to
“separated unto God.” We recognize that
God is holy, we even say Holy, Holy Holy
– we recognize that God is separate from us - God is other. And if your family and mine heed the call to
greater holiness, it means to strive to be other – different than we are now,
and different than what this world and this culture say a modern family is
supposed to look like. Another word for holy is sacred. Each of our families
is called to be sacred!
It starts with marriage – each
married couple is called to strive, to work every day, to make decisions every
day, with the help of the grace of the Marriage Sacrament – to love each other
ever more and more in the image of Christ’s love – a totally self-giving, self-sacrificing
love. To strive to image, in the love of
husband and wife, the love of Christ for His Church.
It means that the marital sexual act
BE just that – a marital act - a holy act reserved exclusively to a husband and
a wife who are sharing a faithful, permanent union, an act always open to the
possibility of co-creating with God new human life.
It means making choices to build the
strongest marriage possible, and to seek help when needed. It is said that the greatest gift a husband
and wife can give to their children is to love each other.
And a holy family, a sacred family,
builds strong loving ties among all its members. Children are taught to love and obey and
respect their parents, and parents learn to respect, and form, and most of all
love their children. And building a holy
family means that faith is ever nurtured, through regular participation in the
sacraments of Eucharist and Reconciliation, through prayer together and prayer
for each other, and by the example of Christian discipleship shown by each of
the parents.
Now I realize that some of what I’ve
just said might sound to some of you like a fairy tale, distant and removed
perhaps from real life which is often so messy, so difficult, so ugly
even. Perhaps someone’s thinking “Too
late for my marriage, Deacon, so whaddya got for me?” Or someone else might be thinking “I haven’t
spoken to my sister in thirty years, Deacon, so thanks but no thanks.”
So to you, I would propose this.
The real meaning of today’s Feast,
the reason it appears during the Christmas season, is that Jesus can heal us,
can heal our families. Can heal my
family, and yours. The other day I was preparing
this homily and I said a little prayer – “Lord, what do you want me to tell
them this weekend?” And immediately popped
into my head was this – “tell them I can heal them.” It’s the reason He came among us, it’s why became
an infant 2000 years ago, why He was born into a human family. To heal us.
To forgive us and restore us.
To heal each of us individually, our
habits, our addictions, our sinfulness, our brokenness. With His infinite tenderness and love and
mercy. No matter what we’ve done, no
matter the hurtful things we’ve said, He smiles at us and welcomes us with open
arms, bidding us to come to Him. Christ
doesn’t know how to stop loving us!
And
He came to heal our broken relationships.
Once we’ve felt the love and mercy of Christ, we begin to extend that
love and mercy to those who’ve hurt us, or to humbly beg forgiveness of those
we’ve hurt. He came to open just a crack
in the walls we’ve built around ourselves to let in the light of peace and joy
where there’s been only darkness.
My sisters and brothers, you and I
are called to live in a community of love and the most basic community of love
is the family. By God’s grace, by the
presence of the newborn Jesus in our lives, may each of our families grow in
love, and in faith, and in holiness.
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